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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in suck.my.kiss.'s LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
1:06 am
thinning
so this is my black lace headdress
my open-casket viewing
my cremation and river-faced lament
for the layers i am losing

chance is paring me down
stripping paint, plumage, and pride
stealing away with each strand of grace
into ever-deepening black night


and what's left in the wake of quiet destruction
is this bare-headed girl wanting
for calm and strength of heart
to meet the world without protection
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
9:31 pm
i hate rhyme
you are kissing me swollen and sore
looking, face upturned, expectant and pure
we are losing our shirts to the mess on the floor
laughter seeping out through the cracks in the door
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
9:56 pm
thought i'd dip my feet
beneath those lukewarm waves
maybe architect some grainy shore
but the undertow is stronger here
now i'm tumbling with each tide
and the sky won't lead me home
oh! just wash me up or pull me under!

don't let me drift alone.

Current Mood: further down, further out
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
5:48 pm
amazing what sort of near-utopia appears
caught up in the vague curtain of fever-dream humidity.

(your curious absence notwithstanding)

Current Mood: sinking
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
1:50 am
somehow, i don't satisfy.
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
8:34 pm
in which i am longing and you are cold...
the crisp cruelty of a burtonian november has taken up residence under my feet,
becoming the delicate crumbles left in the wake of a frightful heart
and i cannot seem capture a cure for this virulent vacancy
(these sheets are lacking)
but you should know i'd prefer to pull you up, over my head
and wait out this snow.

Current Mood: undone
Monday, September 20th, 2004
11:18 pm
I've begun filling my days
With the rich and the dense
A glazed and nectarous isness

'Cause current comfort
Can only be found
in the most fiery of mouths

In mine
In yours
10:58 pm
A man can be seen (by streetlight)
Bathed in the ghost of a lonely cigarette
And there's frost on our cars now
Sure-sign that fall is setting in

Yeah, it'll settle somewhere beneath my breast
Where rough bark and knot-holes exist
A chill so cavernous and infinite
You'll wonder where your breath went

So, dear stranger, if it pleases you to stay
Tangled in this northwestern breeze
Hold your patience and you may see
These old blue eyes dried and decayed among the leaves
Thursday, October 3rd, 2002
3:38 am
after years spent in desperation
trying to shed this dead skin
i've come to find
that i've scrubbed myself pink
one too many times
Monday, September 2nd, 2002
12:58 pm
buildings settling around me
when i'm here i can be a streetwalking vagrant and get lost and never find anyone
i'll never miss my town again...but the three loves i left behind, there they are in my heart and in my head
i see their cigarettes when i drink my coffee and please let me never be without them
but that must be the price of uprooted flowers these days

i hope i never clean out my bank account
Thursday, August 8th, 2002
9:42 am
hell-o operator
something i'm on the verge of
right there, in the back of my throat
as to what it is, you can't know
and i haven't the slightest idea
but it'll be here and soon
so ready yourself, my sweet
for the rush and the bitter

because it's a long ride home.

Current Mood: there is a piece of glass
Saturday, June 8th, 2002
7:43 am
memory makes me desperate for words
a description
to build a snapshot of steel
that i may keep in my pocket
of you asleep and holding me
in that babyfatgrayhaze of morn
just before the day
before the sun and before there are cars on the road
within the momentary quiet of a stumbling house

you breathe slumberdeep as if the oxygen will escape you
as if it wishes to steal away....wayward rebel air
and i can see it now
revelling in it's new-found freedom as part of the wind
sailing across quaking water
whistling through caves
cradling each blade of unruly grass and mottledbrown fieldmouse
in an overgrown pasture

nothing to do
but kiss a pair of torpid lids
and relinquish consciousness
to somadream holiday
Thursday, May 16th, 2002
11:45 pm
there's a puncture wound in my chest
and i pace all night long
bleeding on the carpet, haunting the halls
with a mind that just won't sleep
and dusty lyrics in my ears
'cause all the doors are boarded up
for fifteen more days
fifteen more days.....
Sunday, May 12th, 2002
5:21 pm
we were talking last night
driving the way home
about how summer never turns out the way we'd expected, *hoped*
and i got to thinking
about how nothing is ever like that
not life
not the weekend
not the things that happen with the person you wish was asleep next to you
and i think that what i really *hope* sometimes
is for it all to be a movie
with a soundtrack
and appropriately elitist cinematography
the obligatory conflict
and those few heady, pure scenes when everything is just...
"you make me feel like a bath"


and it's raining now......raging really
should i *hope* for thunder?
Sunday, April 7th, 2002
8:44 pm
"why did you runaway from me?" he asked in his laconic jazzabsinthebeatgeneration voice

i shrugged, looking at him....... or past him, rather

"what? did you want me to sit outside your appartment and sing you songs?"

"yeah"
Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
10:56 pm
orange juice hotels
i am reminded of a time when i used to write more
when i used to have things to write about
i could stand still, take in the weight of a panoramic view, and understand the beauty of things, of people

it's all starting to return to me..........startling

the friday night mist followed us into al's appartment
with each inhalation we blurred the boundaries of age and our own vision

and i met some boys
their lives are almost inviting.....almost

bottles of escapism on staurday made me feel wanted
as did a not-so-lingering hug while the man opened my car door
it's too bad...you felt so warm

sunday was all about the much-needed exhibitionism of pretending to be a musician
now i've sung for you


can it ever be the way it was?
Monday, March 4th, 2002
9:49 pm
a suggestion of sorts...
my band is playing sunday, march 10th at the 'gee. please be there to pretend we're good and that you love me.
Thursday, January 31st, 2002
11:32 am
off to julia's house in maine for the weekend with the bandmates, carrie, billy, christina, and saskia. i'm going to attempt to ski and when i come back my hair will have metamorphasized into dreads. see you tuesday.
Sunday, January 27th, 2002
8:11 pm
my oh my....no updates for a while...huh.
well...life at the school for the socially-retarded rich is fairly mundane as usual. however, i would just like to say that i am going to marry eve ensler. wowee...she even said hi to my women's lit. class during the show. i like stories about cootchie snorchers.

also: i do not think that i should date drug smugglers.
Sunday, January 13th, 2002
12:01 am
and i can't sleep because spirits are exhaling loudly justb outside my window. i think i may just have to give in and blow away.
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